1. Isn't relationship abuse a rare occurrence?
No. Approximately 1 in 3 women in this country will experience relationship abuse in her lifetime.* Women and children are more at risk of violence in their homes and relationships than in the street. Domestic violence never shows up in statistics as much as it occurs.
*American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report on the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), p. 10.
2. Don't women abuse just as much as men do?
No. 90-95% of domestic violence victims are women and as many as 95% of domestic violence perpetrators are men.* However, men can be victims and women can be perpetrators, and domestic violence occurs in same-sex relationships.
* Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Initimates (NCJ-149259), November 1994; A Report of the Violence Against Women Research Strategic Planning Workshop sponsored by the National Institute of Justice in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1995.
3. Isn't most violence against women committed by strangers?
No. Most violence against women is committed by a current or former partner. 76% of women who report having been physically assaulted or raped were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, or date. Only 14% of physical assaults against women are committed by strangers.*
*Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes. Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, 1998. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, National Institute of Justice, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
4. Why don't women in abusive relationships just leave their partners?
Many people ask "Why doesn't the victim leave? Why does the victim stay?" as if it is that simple. It is important to understand that there are many barriers to safety in an abusive relationship. The better question is "Why does the abuser do this and how can I help the survivor gain access to safety?" Leaving is often dangerous and there are many factors an abused partner must consider in the analysis of how to respond to an abusive partner.
5. How do we hold abusers accountable?
Holding abusers accountable is important because it sends a message to others that abuse of any kind will not be tolerated in our community. Unfortunately, there are still many barriers to justice in the criminal justice system, and when professionals do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence, it can make it difficult to adequately identify and prosecute abusers. In addition, many women cannot rely on the criminal justice system due to institutional barriers, including discrimination or homophobia. Therefore, it is important for us to hold abusers accountable on an individual level as well. Do not blame the survivor. Teach your children that violence is never the answer to a problem, and that controlling another person is wrong.
6. What are the different types of relationship abuse? Is there more than one kind?
Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser make up a larger system of abuse. Types of abuse include: physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and economic abuse.